As Salaamu Alaikum,
I wanted to share my story of when I became muslim again.....
When I was about 10 years old I would go to church every Sunday so that I could sing. I just loved to sing, this was the year of 1971.
When the time came for the preacher to give his sermon I was not very interested in it, I could never understand how come those adults believe what he was saying. I never could believe Jesus being God's son and Jesus and God being one. I didn't know why I didn't believe, but I just didn't. I guess that was part of my inner self remembering the conveant that Allah (swt) took from all of Adam's descendants at the time of his creation.
As I grew older I remember telling my stepfather that I wanted to be a Nun and I wanted to be Jew, searching for what I was lonely for and that was a relationship with my Lord. By the time I was 14 years old I started seeing on the news about the war that was going on with Iran and Iraq, then I wanted to dress like those sisters there on the TV. I had no idea what I was talking about but it just filled my heart with a longing and a searching.
The only thing that was around me at the time was the Nation of Islam because I had cousins that were in that group, I knew for some reason that was not the answer for me. I did not know where a Masjid was in the area nor did I know any Muslims.
I told my mother of my feelings and she told me "when you get grown you can do what you want to do". I was still singing and stepfather was my manager, for some reason in my heart I knew that I really did not want that life.
I turned down opportunities with groups because I did not want to be stuck with that life style. Mind you I didn't know why I was feeling that way, I just know that I did not want my children if I had any to be apart of that life to grow up in that life, but I loved to sing and always did all the time every where. I went to live with my father that year and the feeling never went away. It wasn't until I was 17 years old that I met through a friend this brother who at the time I did not know was Muslim.
When I found out I started asking questions, because this is what I have been waiting for for 4 years. He took me to a Masjid and from there I started going on my own. I met friends who did not live too far from where I was staying and I took my Shahada in the year 1979. As all new muslims do there was alot to learn and alot of mistakes to make.
As we all know there are many people out there who have there own understanding and they want to teach it and we listen until we learn better and learning never ever stops, insha'Allah. Alhamdulillah for Allah's guidance and protection, Allah has blessed me with a lot common sense and this has allowed me to dig deeper and search harder for more and more knowledge. I can say in the 21 years and 5 children this deen is never ending Masha'Allah.
Each year brings more and more joy and more and more understanding. As you get older your closeness to Allah feels deeper. I can remember when I was in my 20's and at the time the Masjid
was International Brother Hood, I was there for Jumah and there was no one there but old men, I thought. During and after the Kutbah they were crying and I was thinking to myself why are they crying so much, and I can not understand what they are talking about, I was like I have to go where there are people my age I just can't get with this.
HA HA I am now one of those people who are crying and crying and I pray that I do more crying, Masha'Allah. I beg of you sisters and brothers please hang in there, your reward is coming, insha'Allah. I know when we first take our Shahada we are so into this Deen and we want to know everything there is to know, we do lots of reading and studying, but as time goes on and we get married and have the children and have to work or what ever, that time we use to have is gone and you can't get all the things in that you use to do. You sit and wonder how you use to learn all this and that and read all this and that. You must try not to loose it, you must try to keep focus with Islam and pray everyday to Allah to give you more.